a little on the personal.

i just watched the finale of one tree hill. call me a sucker, but i have been watching that show since it began in 2003. wow, the years flew by. the entire time i was watching this finale, i was just thinking of how quickly these years have gone by and how different i have become from that sophomore in high school to the adult i have become today. it's silly really how shows, songs, poems, or books can make you question life and everything that it involves. you are watching these fictional characters grow up, change, learn from their mistakes, and mold into the people they were meant to be...all the while, you are doing the very same thing and following the very same path, without realizing it.

i know it's completely silly for me to delve into this super personal-thought post all inspired by a television show, but hey what can i say...i'm too predictable these days. tonight just brought me back a couple years, into my writing groove that i so often escaped to each night after a day going from class to class, waiting for that final minute to signal that lectures were over and i could retreat back to my room and just think about anything but what was in those textbooks for a while.

those years, (highschool, college) seem like ages ago and sometimes i ache for them so badly. i just want to go back, maybe feel the lightness of not having to decide where my life was going to go ....tomorrow, to have that time to just relax, have fun, and let life unfold. i used to write about finding myself during those years. i was on a path to finding the real me and believed it would come with age and time but i'm starting to realize now at 25 that maybe i knew myself more so those years than i do now. i face huge forks in my road each day of what i am going to do with my life, which path i am going to take. i struggle within myself trying to measure who i am against the person i want to be and debate whether i am getting there or not. the days where i was trying to find myself, at least i knew where i wanted to be and was sure of how to get there. these days with so much measuring, i get lost within my own head and heart, trying to find my way out.

i've come to the conclusion that moments are fleeting, years pass by, time flies and all we have is what is sitting in front of us, so why cloud my mind trying to figure out how i am measuring up in the grand plan for my life, instead of enjoying what i have right now and realizing that the path i am on right now is what was meant for me, where ever it may lead, eventually i will be where i am supposed to be. i have all of these moments that lead me up to this point and i ache some times to re-live them but they have brought me to this point and for that i am happy and thankful.

my whole being is so thankful for what i have today, who i have, the dreams that i still have and the new ones that come along each day (and believe me there are always new ones brewing in my mind). i am so thankful and so full but so anxious to see what lies ahead as well.

this post was all over the place, i know (sooorrry) but that what one tree hill and all those sappy tv shows do to me.

hope you can follow at least one path i meant to take with this post.

love life. cherish every moment. believe that the path your on is where you are meant to be and is taking you somewhere fantastic. can't be sad about the past but happy that it happened : )

oh yeah and...

ah, good night : )

have a happy thursday!